Relationships are a social construct
As a woman, you are socialized to believe that sex equates love and if you have sex with a man, this interaction should lead to a relationship. However, all three are mutually exclusive. You may love someone but have no sexual desire for them. You may have a strong sexual desire for someone, but not love, nor want a relationship with them. You may be in a relationship, but not love nor want sex with the one you’re with — you’re settling.
Being a woman, there are very few men that I have had sex with that I have genuinely wanted a relationship with. Few men that I have genuinely loved romantically. In fact, the only reason I want a relationship with them is because I am inclined to be post-coitus. Inclined, because society tells me that as a young woman, I should want to love and be loved and if I want to have sex with a man, I should be dating him. But good sex does not equate a good relationship. It definitely does not equate a good life partner. So why do I feel guilty and slightly diminished in worth if I want to have sex with a man, but have little to no interest to be in a serious relationship with him? Sure, the sex is good, but forget about me explaining what I do in the labs to him — he wouldn’t get it. We have different lives, different lifestyles that are not necessarily conducive outside of the bedroom. Would I want to introduce him to my family? Hell no, he’s a good person, but differing lifestyle choices lend to embarrassment on my behalf.
So, welcome to my struggle. Yes, I would like to be in love with someone and have them reciprocate that love. Would being the key word here, because the universe is not sending any genuinely interesting, nor knee-weakening men my way. I don’t want to manufacture a relationship out of a man that I enjoy having sex with. I don’t want to depend on them for comfort or validation — I can give myself that on my own. I don’t want them to ease my loneliness, because I’ve fought hard to accept it. What I want is a dependable man, who will be in my bed when I want to orgasm. A man who will answer when I text him the preemptive questions prior to asking him to come over. I don’t want to feel guilty for not caring emotionally for this man. I don’t want to feel inclined for our interactions to be more. I want to be able to accept sexual relationships as sexual without society telling me I’m unbalanced or unfit for marrying a gentleman. Because, hell, I’m a gentle woman! My high libido simply needs quelling, and well, can you blame me for wanting to ease it with good sex? That is, when the sex is good. I do not care to ease it with a man if the sex is bad, in that instance, I have hands that damn well know how to produce orgasms.
