The Great Impasse
Driving home with someone for 16 hours when you have broken up serves as a way to garner inspiration for your poetry. This describes the feelings I felt on a long drive home with a partner after our relationship fell apart.
Colors bleeds from a pen
the way it drains from a body
flowing until it empties out
The scars on your wrist
vertical and jagged
covered by shadow puppets
cannot hide the pain
remaining which caused
that action to be,
and seems to boil up again
in fits of overwhelming anxiety
that you aren’t enough
won’t succeed,
and that hole in your chest
keeps growing,
unable to be filled by external love
if you cannot produce it yourself
like Lysine-deficient dinosaurs
that fall asleep and die
when scientists cannot give them
what they need
as I could not convince you of my love
when you cannot believe you’re worth loving
The tree line is crisp,
whether it be rain or sun,
but hides itself in fog.
Both landscapes evoking emotion,
but you decide if it’s worth calling to the surface
with creases of skin or
water from holes or
sound from gorges
It can be easier to ignore, but
as ink and as blood —
it’ll flow out eventually
until it has decided to stop
With you, I cannot pretend
that all these feelings aren’t
knocking and knocking,
pushing and fighting
to break down my doors
I don’t think it’s worth fighting anymore
Part of me keeps growing, and will
until I force it to stop
Control of these parts
will soon be no more
I am caught between what I have to do,
and the question, “Should it even be you?”
Your presence once had a solid foundation,
your actions now tell me it’s crumbling.
All this tells me is that I could
and should do it alone
I thought that space and
time could bring clarity
to where our loyalties lie,
but I was wrong
It brought cold, indifference
flipped the light off
in a warm, sunny room
and I’m left in darkness
my blood pouring from my chest
and pooling in my belly,
where it will sit
until it empties out
as I become one from two.
You won’t stay to see it through,
from warm love to cold indifference,
you still come today when I am shedding
weeks and weeks of growth
to meet me with relief to show
your support for the removal of evidence
that this ever existed.
you can turn from this
great impasse, unscathed,
rather than stay trapped without faith.
